Chapter 76: A Bunch of Idiots
Chapter 76: A Bunch of Idiots
Two hours later, Tang Jinbiao and Tang Hu’s group arrived at a clearing about a hundred li from the clan. This was the very place where Tang Jinbiao had secretly practiced the Ape Art several months prior.
“Ah, Brother Biao, this is a great spot! How’d you find it?”
“Brother Biao, you’re really something!”
The handful of youths, including Tang Hu, revealed excited expressions upon seeing such an open space.
Of course, the main attraction was that scattered around the edge of the clearing were numerous millstones, sandbags, and all sorts of miscellaneous training equipment.
“Hmph, what do you think? Brother Biao wouldn’t lie to you!” Tang Jinbiao’s face showed a proud look as he walked over to a millstone, lifted the largest one with one hand, and hurled it into the open area.
Whoosh!
The millstone looked easily over a hundred catties in weight, yet Tang Jinbiao lifted it so effortlessly, showing his considerable strength.
Thud!
It hit the ground with a heavy thump when it landed, kicking up a cloud of dust.
“Wow!”
“Brother Biao is amazing!”
“Brother Biao!”
The young boys all had starry eyes, faces full of admiration—except for Tang Hu, who wore a peculiar expression.
“Hmph, child’s play!” Tang Jinbiao scoffed disdainfully, but immediately noticed the odd look on Tang Hu’s face and asked, “Ah Hu, what’s wrong? Are you unhappy with this kind of training?”
Hearing this, the other boys also snapped out of their reverie and looked curiously at Tang Hu.
“No. Brother Biao’s equipment is very useful. But we already have all this gear at home. If we’re just doing these basic exercises, then training together loses its point. Ah Bi, Ah Xing, do you remember the sparring competition? Our Cultivation Levels were the same as theirs, yet we ended up so miserably beaten. Do you know why?”
Tang Hu shook his head. It wasn’t that he thought the equipment useless; he felt Tang Jinbiao was missing the key point. He turned to Tang Bi and Tang Xing with his question.
“I don’t know. Was it because my gaze wasn’t sharp enough? Or my expression lacked intensity? Or maybe my battle cry wasn’t imposing enough? Gaze at me, and behold god-slaying! Doesn’t that work? Look at my eyes—I think that’s pretty fierce!”
Tang Bi paused thoughtfully, his face confused.
“I—”
“…”
Hearing Tang Bi, not just Tang Hu, even Tang Jinbiao had the urge to pull out a Watermelon Cleaver.
“Why are you all looking at me like that? Isn’t it? Look into my ey—OW!”
Tang Bi noticed the expressions on Tang Jinbiao and Tang Hu’s faces and asked uncertainly, but before he finished, a flurry of fists descended on him.
“Haha… haha… ha, Brother Bi, I told you ages ago not to shout out that dumbass battle cry! But you wouldn’t listen! Haha… ha… OW!”
Tang Xing, watching Tang Bi get pounded by Tang Jinbiao and Tang Hu from the side, laughed triumphantly and tried to mock him. But the moment his laughter rang out, he became the new target of their aggression.
Whap! Whap! Whap!
“Fuck!”
“Damn!”
“Shit!”
Those fellows paused after fighting for about the time it takes to finish a cup of tea, but they were gasping for breath. Obviously, they were exhausted from beating Tang Xing.
“Ah Bu, do you know why?”
Tang Hu shifted his gaze and asked Tang Bu, who was catching his breath.
“Hu… hu… hu-hu-ge!”
Tang Bu stuttered under Tang Hu’s stare.
His voice cracked in half, with syllables running together, sounding like “huhu”!
“Fuck! Stop sounding so intimate! Got goosebumps all over!” Tang Hu cursed under his breath, then turned expectantly to Tang Jinbiao. Clearly, only Tang Jinbiao could solve such a tough problem.
“Hmm, Brother Hu, no need to fret. Let me think. By logic, Body Refiners should have a huge advantage in fights against same-tier opponents. So why did you lose so miserably last time? Hmm, I remember that unscrupulous Old Charlatan Huang Biaozi seemed to have mentioned it before, eh? How exactly did he put it?”
When Tang Hu looked at him with those hopeful eyes, Tang Jinbiao instinctively straightened up a bit. He lowered his head thoughtfully, wearing a serious expression as if pondering something important.
“Brother Biao!”
Seeing Tang Jinbiao like this, Tang Hu’s eyes shone with even greater anticipation.
“Ouch, owww!”
Tang Xing groaned in pain as he sat up.
“Hmm, just what could it be?”
Beside him, Tang Bi also lowered his head in deep thought, looking utterly absorbed in contemplation.
“Brother Hu! Brother Biao! Brother Bi!”
Little Tang Bu glanced at them, his eyes sparkling with excitement.
“Oh, right! I remember!”
A little while later, inspiration struck Tang Jinbiao – he suddenly recalled what Huang Biaozi had said at the time and was about to explain the reason.
But at that exact same moment, Tang Bi also seemed struck by inspiration, as if he had figured something out. He followed up and declared: “Ah! I finally understand why now!”
“Really?”
Tang Xing, sitting on the ground, looked utterly unconvinced, especially when he looked at Tang Bi. His disbelief was palpable, his expression screaming, If you actually know the answer, may I get hit by a carriage the moment I step out!
“Brother Biao! Brother Bi!”
Little Tang Bu’s eyes practically glowed.
“Hmm?”
Tang Hu, initially excited seeing that Tang Jinbiao seemed to have the answer, frowned slightly when Tang Bi also appeared enlightened. He turned his head slightly, looking a bit uncertain, before finally saying: “Ah Bi, you speak first then. What exactly is the reason?”
“Haha! Hahaha! Goddamn it! I’m a genius! I’m unmatched under Heaven! Haha! I actually figured out such a complicated reason!”
The more Tang Bi thought about it, the surer he became that his answer was correct. He burst into roaring laughter.
“Huh?”
“Did he come up with some unbearable slogan again?”
“This…”
The moment they saw Tang Bi’s frenzied demeanor, several people sported giant question marks over their heads, complete with a few beads of sweat.
“Hmph, tremble, Mortals! Your Great Bi has finally uncovered the reason for our defeat!”
A scornful expression spread across Tang Bi’s face as he casually swept his eyes over the group, radiating an unmistakable ‘you are all utter fools’ vibe.
“I…”
“…”
Under the brunt of his gaze, the others involuntarily felt rather foolish, as if they truly resembled pigs in that moment.
“Hmph! Allow me, the most intelligent, the most dashing, the most handsome Great Bi under Heaven, to enlighten you. Our defeat boils down to a single reason!… It was the wrong slogan! Seems I was mistaken from the start. A lame slogan like ‘Meet my gaze, God-Slaying Gaze’ has no punch at all. Brother Biao’s mighty phrase, ‘Damn it, who else? Who else?’ Think about it! How utterly insane, cool, and explosive is that? Ha ha… Ah!”
Tang Bi declared with utter contempt. This time, it seemed he finally grasped how idiotic his own slogan, “Meet my gaze, God-Slaying Gaze,” truly was. He finally understood that only Tang Jinbiao’s “Damn it, who else?” carried true imposing might. Reciting that “Damn it, who else?” phrase, he actually yelled it out, his entire body appearing to be in the throes of ecstasy. However, before he could finish, a storm of blows rained down upon him.
Thwack! Whap! Bam!
Amidst the punches and kicks, Tang Bi desperately ducked and wove, covering his head.
“I’ll show you ‘Who else?’! I’ll show you ‘Who else?’! I’ll thrash you senseless today!”
“Brother Bi, Might as well have dumplings, might as well have the wife! Brother Bi! Brother Bi!”
“I’ll show you ‘Meet my gaze’! I’ll show you ‘Meet my gaze’! I’ll thrash you senseless today!”
Tang Jinbiao, Tang Hu, and Tang Bu struck as they cursed. Tang Bu, usually skinny and frail, now wore an expression of sheer excitement as he got involved in the sneak attack.
“Ha ha… Ha ha…!”
Tang Xing, who had been sitting nearby, observed Tang Bi getting mobbed with immense satisfaction. He suddenly burst into raucous laughter. But after only a few chuckles, he realized his mistake. Terror flashed across his face and he scrambled to escape.
“Yikes!”
His body had barely tensed to flee when he felt iron claws clamp onto his legs, dragging him back. Then something heavy slammed onto him, pinning him down.
“Damn it, get Tang Xing!”
“Beat him! Beat him!”
“I’ll show you laughing! I’ll show you laughing!”
“Squash him! Squash him!”
Spotting Tang Xing’s attempted escape, Tang Bi had instantly seized his legs and bodily thrown himself on top of him, shouting triumphantly. Seeing Tang Bi launch himself, Tang Hu reflexively piled on next. Tang Jinbiao’s mind snapped impulsively, and he too jumped into the heap. As for little Tang Bu, seeing the lively pile-up, he followed suit.
…
Half an hour later!
Tang Hu held a tree branch, brandishing it through the air, while relentlessly lecturing Tang Jinbiao and the others who stood lined up before him.
Snap!
The branch struck the ground with a sharp crack, making the group flinch.
“You!” Tang Hu, face crimson with fury, started with Tang Jinbiao. “You’re nominally our leader! Yet not only do you fail to guide us in proper training, you constantly drag them into reckless messes! How can you ever command respect as leader? Do you still expect us to call you ‘Brother Biao’?”
He punctuated his words by whacking the branch down on Tang Jinbiao’s arm.
“You take it then! Might as well have dumplings, might as well have the wife! I wouldn’t mind calling you ‘Brother Hu’!” Tang Jinbiao muttered quietly.
Tang Hu ignored the mutter, shifting his glare to the next target, Tang Bi.
“And you! Instead of focusing on training all day, all you think about is that ‘Meet my gaze, God-Slaying Gaze’ nonsense! God-Slaying my ass!”
His tirade escalated, and his branch lashed out stingingly onto Tang Bi’s backside.
“Hmph! Mine was obviously ‘Damn it, who else?’! Hmph!” Tang Bi rubbed his stinging backside softly, daring only a whispered protest.
“You! And you!” Tang Hu marched up to Tang Xing. “Can’t you ever keep a straight face? Just shut the hell up already! What’s so damned funny? Try laughing again, I dare you!”
“Hee hee!”
Though Tang Xing said nothing outright, his shoulders visibly shook with suppressed snickers.
Snap!
The branch cracked onto Tang Xing’s head. “I’ll show you laughing! I’ll show you laughing!” Tang Hu raged.
“Ow!”
Tang Xing yelped softly and attempted to stifle his amusement.
Tang Hu glared a moment longer, then turned his gaze towards Tang Bu. But just as Tang Hu moved away, Tang Xing burst into silent giggles once more.
“Brother Hu!”
Tang Bu’s eyes instantly lit up the moment Tang Hu approached him, his face radiating pure reverence, clearly indicating Tang Hu alone embodied true leadership in his eyes.
“Hmph! Now that’s more like it!”
The adoring worship in Tang Bu’s eyes hit Tang Hu’s sweet spot. Outwardly, he maintained an air of disdain, but inwardly, his vanity bloomed like a flower. He snorted dismissively and started to turn away.
Suddenly though, he spun back around, unleashing a furious roar at the assembled group:
“What are you standing around for? Get training, now!”