Chapter 69: The Hapless Man

He could sympathize all he wanted, but no one had told Liu Liwa that besides being a Brothel Steward, he also needed to play therapist. Seeing Wen Jun sobbing uncontrollably, he wasn’t sure how to console him. Instead, he filled a cup with wine and poured it solemnly on the ground, a tribute to those honorable, passionate heroes who had sacrificed themselves.

Witnessing Liu Liwa’s gesture, Wen Jun stopped crying. The reason he lived now was precisely for those comrades who had given their lives for him – to look after their families. If he wept like this, wouldn’t it betray his fallen brothers?

He too poured wine to honor the heroes. Seeing Liu Liwa’s grave expression, a glint of something sparked in his eyes. He smiled faintly, “I never thought such passionate men existed even in this small Intoxication Pavilion.”

Liu Liwa returned a light smile. A real man should show his mettle when it counted. Brave warriors who fought blood-soaked battles on the field were admirable figures for every man.

Wen Jun swayed as he drank another bowl of wine. Now his drunkenness was unmistakable. Truthfully, he had already been drunk earlier, held together only by a mix of resentment and gratitude. Now, after paying his respects to the martyrs, some of the pressure eased, letting the alcohol truly take hold. His vision blurred. Liu Liwa had also drunk several bowls but hadn’t forgotten his duty. With a kindly chuckle, he said, “Supervisory Commander, you’re drunk. Let me call a girl to help you rest!”

“A girl? Hah!” Wen Jun snorted coldly and slammed the wine bowl beside him hard onto the ground. It shattered into pieces. Liu Liwa scrambled back. Damn, this lunatic is losing it again! Wen Jun’s drunken gaze suddenly flashed with a terrifying light. Snarling fiercely, he said, “What use do I have for a girl? What good am I alive? I’m this… this half-human, half-ghost monstrosity!”

Violent energy radiated from him. Liu Liwa felt as though Wen Jun was about to self-destruct – and he was right in the blast range. Perfectly fine just now! Why all this talk of dying the moment I mentioned a girl? Weren’t you just… relieving yourself a moment ago?

Liu Liwa instinctively glanced down. Sure enough, damp patches were visible. Wen Jun seemed determined to lay everything bare now. If it was about unloading his burden, since he was drunk anyway, he might as well spill it all out. Liu Xiaoqi was harmless, after all.

He slumped back into his seat, taking fierce gulps of wine. Through gritted teeth, he confessed, “Back in that battle, I took a stray arrow. Straight to the vitals. I survived, but… I lost all manly function. Like this, neither man nor ghost… For five years. Five long years! Do you have any idea what torture I’ve suffered? What agony? This world is so lively and colorful. Who doesn’t crave its joys? Who doesn’t yearn for it? But how can I… How can I even hope?”

This was different from the earlier grief over his comrades. That was pressure left by the dead. This rage? It was purely his own – from the torment within his own body and mind. Burdening such conflicting pressures, no wonder he was unpredictable and eccentric.

But Liu Liwa had just seen… evidence? Could a man, even one without full function, still… handle himself? Medically, it should be possible. His loss was due to injury, not aging. So besides failing to get it up, he’s otherwise a normal man in his thirties. Desire can still rise. And the essence… it still forms. Can still be released. Just not in the… standard, vigorous way.

Suddenly, Liu Liwa understood. That explains the early morning brothel visits. It was the time of strongest natural urges…

Watching Wen Jun, drowning himself in bitter wine and anguish, intense sympathy flooded Liu Liwa. He snatched the wine jug from Wen Jun’s hands, his own tension easing. He didn’t see the powerful general now, just a fellow drinker and soul in need of comfort. Lightly he said, “Alright, brother, you think you’re unlucky? But know this – some have it worse. Take me. A lowly servant in Intoxication Pavilion. Facing all these vibrant, seductive women day after day? Yet not one belongs to me. Just watching, helpless, frustrated… Having to tough it out. Tell me, between us, whose lot is harder?”

Wen Jun froze, stunned that Liu Liwa would complain too – and with such camaraderie. It reminded him of sharing stories with comrades around the campfire. But he remained quiet. True, Liu Liwa might be stuck watching, but… at least his own equipment worked. That difference remained.

Liu Liwa pressed on, “Aren’t you a warrior who slew countless foes on the battlefield? How can this small matter hang over you so? A true warrior must dare to face a bleak life. Dare to face the stark reality of blood. If you don’t fear bleeding out or death, how can you fear living? Besides,” he added meaningfully, “there are many ways for a man to find pleasure. It’s not always about vigorous plowing the field. Sometimes, working your own land provides satisfaction too. Think about it, isn’t that true?”

Wen Jun stared blankly at Liu Liwa. Some terms baffled him, but the underlying logic hit home. He glanced down at his damp trousers. He knew Liu Liwa had seen. No point hiding now; admitting it actually lifted his spirits a little. Like Liu Liwa said… if even bloodshed and death lose their sting, why fear life? Yet he never imagined he’d confess this deeply buried shame to… a Brothel Steward. Of course, Liu Liwa no longer seemed ordinary in his eyes. Acting impulsively, uncaring of grime, he seized Liu Liwa’s hand in a tight grip. Liu Liwa braced himself, fearing some sudden shift in temperament.

Instead, Wen Jun spoke with raw sincerity, “I do like women, brother. I adore them. But I’m the Supervisory Commander! A former Imperial Guard! How can anyone find out I’m… less than a man? And facing a woman? Doing… that… alone? Even if they don’t know, I couldn’t bear the shame myself! And those two earlier? Qin Wan’er and Liuyun…” A dreamy look briefly crossed his pained face, “…absolute perfect beauties… I…”

He was fully pouring out his heart now. Every word made Liu Liwa want to throttle him. Dammit! Qin Wan’er is spoken for! Off-limits to any other male specimen! Liu Liwa faked a smile, “I get it. You want to preserve the mighty Commander’s dignity. You want a woman involved, but only by your own hand? You just can’t bear the girl knowing? Right? No problem. There’s a technique. Actors call it ‘invisible object interaction.’ Drunk bros call it ‘using your imagination.’ For a novice like you? Just ‘fantasize!’ Shut yourself in an empty room. Just you. Picture the woman you desire in your mind… Then… quietly… manage your own affairs…”