Chapter 3: Holy Shit For Shooting Me

“No—!”

The beautiful but slow-to-react Angela finally came to her senses and screamed, but it was too late to stop anything.

“Bloody hell, let’s do this!”

Sun Fei clenched his teeth, closed his eyes, and used his helmet as a shield.

Bang!

Sparks flew. The metal helmet instantly glowed red-hot, began melting, and sagged.

A faint hissing sound followed, and the taste of burning meat came.

With a yelp, Sun Fei hastily dropped the helmet, now searing hot like soldering iron. He looked down and cursed—dammit. Despite reacting quickly, several large, charred blisters had already formed on his palms.

But that fist-sized fireball finally dissipated.

Whew, dodged a bullet.

Before Sun Fei could feel relief, he saw the fat guy grinning lewdly opposite him, face flushed and neck straining like a man with prostate problems struggling to pee. Another fist-sized fireball was already nearly formed…

This time, Sun Fei had nothing left to block with.

“You’re cheating, shameless…” Sun Fei suddenly pointed at the fat pig who was ‘straining to pee’ and complained with grievance, “Let’s wrestle if you have guts! My mom… er, no, the great God of War teaches us that kids who play with fire wet the bed at night, and cowards who hide behind magic are the worst kind of scum…”

Thump!

Both Angela and Gemma nearly fainted on the spot in disbelief upon hearing this. Their faces were instantly covered in metaphorical black lines. Cheating? Shameless? Wetting the bed? What kind of twisted logic was this? Since when did the great God of War ever say anything like that?

It seemed Alexander was still the same idiotic fool!

The two girls couldn’t help feeling disappointed.

But they didn’t notice that the animalistic Sun Fei had secretly gotten hold of the metal breastplate of the armor standing by the bed. He hid it furtively behind his back, all the while grinning and inching closer to the fat pig Gerger as he spoke.

“Damned bastard, just you wait until I get close. Let’s see how tough you are then…”

Sun Fei kept calculating the distance, planning to give this scumbag a harsh lesson this time—putting him down for ten or fifteen days so he wouldn’t be playing with fire anytime soon.

But—

“To hell with wetting the bed!”

Gerger, blinded by rage, would never rein in his “noble mage’s anger” so easily. He decided to teach this reckless fool king a lesson he’d never forget. If there was some surprise bonus… well, even better. And so…

Whoosh—!

The fireball came again.

The dark-haired beauty Angela reacted quicker this time. She screamed, her lovely face deathly pale, and threw herself recklessly in front of Sun Fei to shield him.

Fat pig Gerger was startled, but the fireball was already launched and impossible to retract. A pity, such a delicate beauty not even enjoyed before turning to charcoal…

Sun Fei was also horrified.

Cursing inwardly, he had no time to think. He grabbed Angela’s smooth, creamy shoulder turning her around and pulling her tightly against his body, shielding her with his embrace. He braced himself, using his own back to face the raging fireball capable of melting metal…

“Damn it, I’m really going to be killed by this stupid woman this time…”

Just then—

Thump!

A large hand appeared out of thin air, impossibly, right in the path of the fireball.

Then, with just a gentle squeeze.

The movement was effortless, as if grabbing a puff of air.

But the next second, Sun Fei saw with shock that the terrifying fireball, powerful enough to melt a metal helmet into molten iron, simply popped like a silent fart. It vanished into the air without a sound.

That hand didn’t lose a single hair.

Sun Fei snapped out of it, releasing the blushing Angela. His eyes lit up: “Wow, a master!”

At almost the exact moment, the smug look vanished from Gerger’s fat face. He stared incredulously at the man who’d suddenly appeared in the great hall. His dough-like flabby face turned as pale as if powdered, and his jiggly rolls of fat trembled uncontrollably like lice shaking loose.

Like a mouse seeing a cat, his voice quivered in terror: “S-S-Sir Lamp… Lampard… w-why are… are you h-here… I-I-I…”

Cold sweat poured unstoppably down Gerger’s forehead.

The ‘Master’ called Sir Lampard didn’t spare Gerger a glance. He turned first, bowed respectfully to the beautiful dark-haired girl Angela, then coldly swept his eyes over Sun Fei, who was still striking a pose on the bed, and said flatly, “His Majesty Alexander!”

Sun Fei was also sizing up this ‘Master Brother’.

He was nearly two meters tall, a typical Westerner, lean build, square-jawed, piercing eyes, and exuded a resolute air. Sun Fei envied the ‘Master Brother’s’ hair—fiery red like flames dancing in the air, extremely cool. Tied loosely back with a hemp cord, it was definitely great for picking up girls.

What attracted Sun Fei’s gaze most was the giant sword, about one and a half meters long, strapped to the ‘Master Brother’s’ back. It was broad and heavy, probably weighing close to a hundred kilos. The blade was coarse, not sharp, but dark red in color, reeking of fierce killing intent.

It suddenly reminded Sun Fei of the Dark Iron Heavy Sword, the overpowered weapon Yang Guo retrieved from Dugu Qiubai’s legacy in the late stages of The Return of the Condor Heroes.

The only thing that slightly puzzled Sun Fei was this: ‘Master Brother,’ so powerful, should have an exceptionally healthy physique, yet his face seemed rather pale, with a hint of sickliness in his brow.

Sun Fei got a strange feeling.

Although ‘Master Brother’ had shattered Gerger’s ‘fire egg’ to save him in that desperate moment, it seemed like ‘Master Brother’ harbored not much goodwill towards him, but rather a sort of helplessness tinged with disappointment. Still, Sun Fei couldn’t figure out his exact status immediately, so he just nodded slightly in response.

“S-S-Sir Lampard… c-can I… g-go?” The fat pig beside them was scared stiff, his legs almost giving out as he stammered the question.

Lampard didn’t even look at him. “Go? What? Gerger, aren’t you going to offer some explanation for your insolence towards His Majesty?”

“E-explanation?… Well… actually… I was just joking with Alexander… oh, yes, yes, just a joke… Y-you know, Alexander and I have been friends since childhood… it’s just… I lost control of my magic just now… You know, I’m just a little Magic Apprentice, not even Stellar Level…”

The shameless pig quickly found an excuse.

His words flowed smoother as he spoke, saliva spraying, almost convincing himself it was true.

He was about to weave on, but Lampard stared at him coldly. The piercing gleam in his eyes emanated an invisible chill. The fat pig was scared witless. He knew very well this man was as casual about killing as peeing. He dared not continue and forced a flattering, obsequious smile, stammering incoherently.

A flicker of disgust crossed Lampard’s face.

He clenched his fist slightly. An invisible pressure instantly filled the vast hall.

Sun Fei felt an illusion then—an intense, suffocating aura blanketed the space.

But almost immediately, Lampard seemed to recall something. He hesitated, unclenched his fist, and the pressure vanished as if it had never been. Lampard waved a hand dismissively, like shooing a fly. “Get lost. Remember, no next time!”

“Y-yes, yes, yes, yes…”

Hearing this, the terrified fat pig reacted as if a death row inmate had gotten a last-second pardon. He gasped for air, bowed profusely in tearful gratitude, not daring to make a sound, and started to slink away.

“Hold it!”

Sun Fei suddenly called out to stop the fat man.

Fat Pig turned, first looking fearfully at Lampard. Seeing ‘Master Brother’ remain silent, he had to stop. His jowls quivering as he stared at Sun Fei, puzzled.

Sun Fei walked up to the fatty with a friendly smile.

He clapped the fat man’s shoulder genially. Seeing his amiable look, everyone assumed the King was going to say something conciliatory to save face, offering a way down.

But—

Sun Fei suddenly changed his expression as he stood before the fat man. Without a word, he swung his palm and slapped the fatty hard on the face! He rapped Gerger on the head. Smack! Smack! One after another! He slapped Gerger on the head several times, shouting as he hit, his temper flaring like an elementary school student getting his toy snatched away and needing to vent: “Take that! I’ll teach you to shoot fireballs at me! Shoot fireballs at me?! Shoot fireballs at me?!”

Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!

A series of crisp slapping sounds echoed in the great hall like the rhythm section of a stir-frying symphony.

Angela, who had just regained her composure, and the round-cheeked little Lori Gemma instantly froze again, faces filled with shock.

Even Lampard, who had maintained a perfectly expressionless “international standard deadpan face” since appearing, couldn’t hide a look of astonishment as it flickered in his eyes.

Was this ruthless lunatic standing before them really the bumbling Alexander?

The poor fat man was completely dazed—utterly, utterly stunned.

He didn’t dare to cover his face with his hands at all. Lampard’s appearance had completely shattered his dog-like courage, so he had no choice but to let Alexander slap him like crazy.

The fat man felt endless regret in his heart. Crying and sobbing, he thought, “If only I had known that after being shot by an arrow, Alexander would become so shameless. I would rather die than come here! It’s like offering my face for someone to slap. Being beaten is a small matter, but the key is… the key is I can’t bear this shame, being beaten up by an idiot with the intelligence of a three or four-year-old!”

After slapping for a long time, Sun Fei’s hand became numb, and he finally stopped with some lingering satisfaction.

The fat man breathed a sigh of relief with tears streaming down his face, thinking the nightmare was over.

But then Sun Fei rubbed his slightly swollen palms, looked the fat man up and down with lingering satisfaction, and suddenly kicked him hard in the crotch, muttering, “You dare to grab my woman, you dare to shoot Fireball at me… you dare to shoot Fireball at me!”

Here we go again.

This kick was fierce, accurate, and sneaky.

The fat man immediately bent over like a curled shrimp thrown into boiling oil, struggling and screaming like a pig being slaughtered…

Angela and Gemma, who had just started to regain their senses, were once again petrified.

The cold and skilled brother Lampard could no longer maintain his cool demeanor. Unconsciously, he was so shocked that his mouth hung open, as if he had seen the Goddess of Life running naked flirtatiously right before his eyes…

In the end, the fat man crawled out of the King’s Hall crying.

He was truly and completely beaten into fear by the ‘crazy’ Alexander. He didn’t dare to feel even a trace of hatred. Without looking back, he crawled away quickly and fearfully, howling with endless grievances…

“Pfft! You damn dog ran fast!”

Sun Fei, still full of himself, put one hand on his hip and cursed at the fat man’s retreating figure.

This guy had always been the type to settle scores immediately. After this round of fierce slapping, he finally vented his anger and satisfied his urge to beat someone up.

His face flushed with satisfaction, he turned around… and was immediately startled.

He saw Angela, Gemma, and Lampard staring at him in shock, their eyes scanning him up and down as if looking at an unprecedented monster…

Sun Fei’s heart sank: “Oh no, did I go a bit too far just now?”

“Oh dear, oh dear… I feel dizzy, so dizzy… I’m going to faint.” He shamelessly began to act insane and pretend to be weak, closing his eyes and collapsing to the ground as if his legs had given out.

The blushing Angela and Gemma, whose face still bore clear slap marks, panicked. Thinking Alexander’s injury had flared up again, they hurriedly and clumsily carried him back to the gilded red bed.

‘Skilled brother’ Lampard observed for a moment and seemed to see through Sun Fei’s ‘scheme.’ However, he didn’t expose it. Instead, he asked Angela about the events leading up to Alexander’s injury, comforted the injured little Gemma, and then, filled with doubts, turned and left.

“Your Majesty the King, the enemy is still attacking the city. It seems your soldiers are about to give up!”

Before leaving, ‘skilled brother’ Lampard dropped this line, making Sun Fei’s heart race with fear.

A while later, after Angela and Gemma had settled Sun Fei and saw he was still ‘unconscious,’ they watched over him for a bit. Then Angela took Gemma to find a doctor to treat the slap marks on her face, and they left as well.

…

When only he was left in the Great Hall, Sun Fei calmed down and began to carefully think through the entire sequence of events.

It was clear that he had indeed traveled through time.

Besides Angela and Gemma, the Magic used by the dead fat pig Gerger and the impressive skills of the red-haired ‘skilled brother’ further proved this.

In his previous life, Sun Fei was a down-and-out college student.

Ten years of studying hard (and playing) only got him into a third-rate major at a third-rate university. As graduation approached in his fourth year, he couldn’t even find a job laying bricks at a construction site. It looked like he was about to shamefully become a burden on the GDP growth of his great homeland. He couldn’t even rely on his parents for support—he came from a rural background, and his parents had passed away early. His relatives didn’t think much of him either. When you thought about it, traveling through time wasn’t such a bad thing for him, especially since he had become a high and mighty king!

Since he was a child, Sun Fei’s dream wasn’t to become a scientist or anything like that. Instead, he wished he could one day transform into a carefree and spoiled rich kid, spending his days with his lackeys, harassing innocent women on the streets, walking dogs, racing cars, and picking up girls… But obviously, in that life, such a grand dream could never come true.

But in this life, his dream seemed achievable.

Becoming a high and mighty king, possessing absolute power, doing whatever he wanted, eating whatever he desired, teasing whichever girl he fancied, riding horses if he felt like it, taking carriages when he wanted, going out incognito with his guards to show off for fun, and when there was business, sitting in the Great Hall and casually scolding those usually lofty and self-important ministers for amusement… Now that’s what you call a true winner in life!

Thinking of this, Sun Fei couldn’t help but feel his beastly blood boil.

With such beautiful temptations right before him, any nostalgia or reluctance for his previous life quickly vanished. Sun Fei didn’t need much effort to convince himself to accept his new identity.

But Sun Fei was someone who liked to get to the bottom of things.

He began to analyze the reason for his time travel.

Clearly, that day when he was returning to his dorm, he was hit by a shiny, disc-like object falling from the sky. He probably died on the spot, and then somehow, his soul came to this world and possessed this young King named Alexander.

From the series of events that had occurred earlier, it seemed this young King had been an idiot since childhood. It was unclear what kind of delusion the previous King was under that he passed the throne to him. Obviously, the ministers in the country didn’t think much of this young King…

Sun Fei also remembered the embarrassing incident when he first woke up and someone shot an arrow that hit his helmet.

That moment was likely the very first time his soul successfully possessed the body. The original King Alexander had died who-knows-where, but from that moment on, Sun Fei replaced him and became the King of Shampoo City.

It’s just that this King named Alexander seemed to have been a truly hopeless idiot in his lifetime.

Sun Fei had taken over his body and almost completely absorbed his memories, but he could only gather some basic information, such as being able to use the language of this world fluently and some simple life habits. Aside from that, Sun Fei hadn’t figured anything out. He didn’t know the size of the kingdom or the structure of this alternate world. He only found out later that he had a beautiful fiancée named Angela. As for that dead fat pig Gerger and the later skilled brother, Sun Fei still couldn’t recall the specific details about them.

“Luckily this guy was an idiot. That way, if I act a bit off in the future, no one will be able to tell…”

Sun Fei touched his chin and nodded with satisfaction. This point actually worked in his favor.

But Sun Fei soon remembered something else—

Before skilled brother left, he dropped a line, saying something about enemies attacking the city and the soldiers being about to give up…

“Oh crap, seriously?”

Thinking of this, Sun Fei almost jumped out of bed in shock: “Don’t tell me I just got a king’s throne, and before I can even warm the seat, the enemies are about to break in? Then wouldn’t I become a king who loses his country? Forget about luxurious enjoyments like fancy cars and beautiful women—I’d probably be captured by the brutal enemies and face unspeakable horrors?”

The sudden, cruel pressure of survival made Sun Fei tremble with fear.

“Pack some stuff and sneak away? But the city is surrounded—how can I escape? Ask skilled brother to deal with the audacious fools who dare offend the King’s dignity? That guy might be strong, but he probably can’t take on an entire army by himself. What if the enemy has experts too? Damn it, what should I do?”

Sun Fei thought and thought but couldn’t come up with a good plan.

Before his time travel, he was just a lazy good-for-nothing who spent his days chatting and messing around. He had no remarkable military talent or fighting skills. He could maybe handle a small-time thug if he fought hard, but if he had to lead soldiers into battle, he probably wouldn’t even know how to put on his armor.

So Sun Fei quickly changed his attitude.

“Damn it, which bastard threw me into this alternate world? I was doing just fine on Earth!” This scoundrel didn’t even stop to think about who was just happily fantasizing about the king’s wonderful life.

Right at that moment—

“Collecting host information… 20%… 50%… 88%… 100%… Beginning game system installation… Scanning brain capacity… Meets requirements… Installing…”

A mysterious, cold voice sounded.

Hearing this, Sun Fei was so terrified he felt his soul leave his body.

Because this voice had actually appeared directly in his mind out of nowhere.

“Holy crap, who is that? Human or ghost?”

No one answered him.

A series of beeping sounds echoed, as if a countdown timer had been planted in his mind. After about ten seconds, the voice spoke again—

“Game installation complete. Entering the Diablo World in 3 seconds… 3… 2… 1… Officially entering!”

Sun Fei felt the world spin before his eyes, as if he were an adventurer crossing through a stargate in the TV show Stargate. A strange and mysterious sensation instantly enveloped his entire body.

…

[Rogue Encampment]

Sun Fei stood like an idiot at the spot where new players appear in the Diablo game [Rogue Encampment], feeling uneasy.

He had been standing there for four or five minutes.

Four or five minutes earlier, after the voice that suddenly appeared in his mind counted down from three, Sun Fei’s vision blurred, and he found himself here.

This was the real Diablo World.

A perfect and vivid world.

This was the conclusion Sun Fei had reached in the past four or five minutes.

The sky was gloomy, drizzling with light rain. Slippery ground was covered with some unknown dark green moss-like plants. In the distance, black soil was exposed on the surface. The entire camp felt empty. A few hens, soaked by the rain, clucked and hid under a simple canvas tent to his left, seeking shelter from the rain.

A cold wind blew, and Sun Fei shivered.

The clear sensations from every nerve ending in his body reminded Sun Fei that everything before him was absolutely real. This was truly a living world, not some stiff two-dimensional computer screen.