Chapter 359: Still Wanting to Hold On

But I shouldn’t like you…

It wasn’t “shouldn’t,” it was “couldn’t.”

Facing away from Miss Kasumigaoka, Himekoji bit his lower lip.

His fingers clenched tightly without him realizing, nails digging into his palms, but he felt no pain.

His throat felt blocked, like sand and stones were stuck in it. At this moment, he simply couldn’t speak.

…

Liking someone also requires the ability.

And that ability? He didn’t have it.

He just… didn’t have it.

Despite having the System and seeming all-powerful, as long as he was perverted enough…

This didn’t include the ability to like someone.

Perhaps, it was the one thing he truly couldn’t do.

…

“Hey, don’t you have anything to say? Staying silent now is incredibly rude, HimeHime-kun.”

[Ding!]

[Just hit the guy!]

[Countdown—]

[3… 2… 1!]

“Hmm…”

A muffled cry of pain, stifled with effort, went unnoticed by Himekoji.

All he felt was her embrace tightening even more from behind.

“Drunken ramblings will be forgotten once you’re sober. You said nothing. I heard nothing. Tomorrow will be a brand-new day, like nothing ever happened.”

He couldn’t give a better answer.

In a way, maybe Himekoji was actually the coldest-hearted one here.

“Sorry… I can’t do that. Because… I’ve never been more clear-headed than now, Hime-Hime-kun!”

The pain, like something ripping his skull apart, only made Kasumigaoka more stubborn and reckless.

Sweat beaded densely on her forehead, unnoticed.

Like embracing the sun itself, she held onto Himekoji, holding the pain tight too.

Couldn’t let go! Couldn’t let go!

If she let go… she might never be able to hold onto him again.

“You can do it! You absolutely can! You must! You can, I can, we both can! Because… that’s how people survive!”

Himekoji’s voice sounded rough, like charred wood, filled with a strange kind of anger.

That’s how he had survived all this past year!

Even if negative feelings overwhelmed him in the dead of night, he had to pretend nothing was wrong in front of others. He’d gotten used to it, and was getting better and better at it.

“So haven’t you ever thought about living differently?!”

Kasumigaoka threw emotional control out the window, her voice carrying even more anger than Himekoji’s.

“You always push away everyone who cares about you, everyone who’s kind to you, one by one… It’s just because you think you shouldn’t drag anyone else into your mess, right?”

“But… have you actually managed that?”

“No… maybe I should ask—”

“Can you really do it? Can you truly achieve that?”

“What about Shiina Mashiro? Aoyama Nanami? Yukinoshita Yukino? And even Eriri?! What’s with all of them?!”

“So… have you ever even thought about it?”

“You were wrong from the very beginning!”

“So what if you drag someone else into it? What’s so bad about that?!”

“You never considered what anyone else might think! You only think about yourself!”

“I’ll tell you this! Me? I want you to drag me in!”

“I told you, because I like you!”

Because she liked him, she wanted to be dragged into his troubles.

Even if it hurt… she still liked him.

…

[Ding!]

The System’s chimes rang out one after another. The pain in her head surged like rolling waves,

wild and unrestrained, ravaging her mind.

Kasumigaoka hugged Himekoji.

And did not let go.

…

“You really…”

His chest felt suffocatingly tight. Himekoji desperately wanted to say something. But when he opened his mouth, no words came.

His body felt suddenly drained of strength. He couldn’t muster any energy, as if drowning in her embrace.

Under the cool moonlight, only this spot was soft and warm, like gentle jade.

His earlier anger and impatience cooled completely now, fading into nothing but a sigh—

“Sigh…”

Himekoji lowered his head.

“Choosing who you like is like answering a multiple-choice question. Pick the right one, you gain points. Pick the wrong one, you lose points. But… before you hand in your paper, you still have a chance to change your answer.”

“I handed mine in long ago. I’ve been waiting for you to mark it.”

Kasumigaoka’s reply came without the slightest hesitation.

“H-how… How many points?”

They say extreme pain can cause hallucinations.

Maybe it was true.

Hurt and half-conscious, Kasumigaoka thought she saw Himekoji turn around, embrace her, and hold her tightly, too.

A light breeze stirred in the open-air bath area, rattling the wooden door frame.

The thin moonlight was scattered by the night wind, swirling into the misty, hazy steam of the hot springs, dreamlike and unreal.

…

“I don’t know the answer either. I want to know the answer too…”

Faintly, Kasumigaoka seemed to hear Himekoji speak those words.

Himekoji’s chin rested upon her forehead.

When Kasumigaoka lifted her face, she seemed to glimpse, in her daze, Himekoji crying.

He made no sobbing sounds, silent and alone.

Or perhaps she just saw wrongly.

…

“I hurt so much.”

Kasumigaoka finally stopped holding back.

Because right now, she wished Himekoji would comfort her.

Just a little bit would be enough.

After all, she was just a girl too—a girl in love, craving affection.

“I know. I truly know how much that pain hurts…”

Himekoji stroked her head, his trembling fingertips gliding gently through her freshly washed, damp hair.

“You don’t know!”

“Right, I don’t know.”

No one could ever truly know another’s suffering except oneself.

Thus, in the next moment, Kasumigaoka leaned forward and bit Himekoji’s shoulder. On his not-particularly-broad right shoulder, two neat rows of teeth marks instantly appeared.

People say when you’re in pain, biting something helps a little.

But only a little.

Clearly, there were better ways to ease pain.

Himekoji reached out, without any change in expression, and grasped Kasumigaoka’s wrist.

“Huh? Don’t…”

As if sensing something, Kasumigaoka looked up in surprise at Himekoji.

“It’s alright. I’m not scared of pain anyway.”

Himekoji’s smile was warm and gentle, unfolding like a blossoming flower.

It shone as brightly and dazzlingly as those flashes of good Kasumigaoka often saw in this pervert—moments that brought joy, yet also made her heart ache.

“No, not that. Not that. Not that…”

Being used to pain doesn’t make one unafraid of it. No, it doesn’t.

Kasumigaoka didn’t want this.

Whack!

But the other’s strength had suddenly become overwhelming. Kasumigaoka’s hand was held fast, leaving her no way to resist.

Himekoji’s cheek rapidly swelled red, visibly changing before her eyes.

“Enough! Enough already! That’s enough!”

[Ding!]

[Quest Completed!]

“Mhm, it truly is enough now.”

Himekoji laughed as if nothing had happened.

Only, the swollen red cheek and the twitching corner of his mouth twisted his smile into a comical, clownish grimace.

“Come to think of it,” Himekoji suddenly threw out a question the next moment, “have you ever thought about liking someone else?”

This question mirrored the one Kasumigaoka had asked earlier: “Have you ever thought about living a different life?”

“I couldn’t.”

“Huh?”

Kasumigaoka’s gaze fixed onto Himekoji, unwavering.

“Because if I saw him again, I’d still want to have him…”

…