Chapter 11: Sorry, I’m Allergic to Tiny Ones, So…

Translator: You may encounter the situation where the chapter numbers are lost, but don’t worry, sometimes the author likes to put several chapters in one chapter, which is not a translation issue.

After Ms. Hiratsuka Shizuka finished giving instructions and left, only three people remained in the classroom: Himekoji Akito, Hikigaya, and Yukinoshita.

Tick, tick, tick, tick. In the classroom, the sound of the second hand was slow yet distinct, gradually reaching his ears.

Whoa, hold on. Was there seriously a romantic comedy setup out of nowhere? Being shut in a room with two beauties was nerve-wracking! Though coming from him, a certified pervert, that probably didn’t sound very convincing.

Wait… two beauties?

Himekoji Akito realized he might have misunderstood something. So, he turned his head and carefully scrutinized Hikigaya Hachiman beside him. After a moment of consideration, he silently changed the quantifier “two” to “one.”

Inside the classroom, besides Himekoji, Yukinoshita seemed completely uninterested in the other two. At some point, she had reopened the book in her hand and was reading quietly.

The classroom filled with the soft rustling sound of pages turning.

Because of the book cover, he couldn’t tell what she was reading. It was probably some literary work; it gave off the vibe of Salinger, Hemingway, or Tolstoy. She had the aura of an ojou-sama — unquestionably a beautiful girl and an honor student.

But someone like her, as common sense went, fell outside the realm of ordinary humans. Much like her name suggested, she was the snow lying beneath the surface snow — unapproachable, untouchable. You could only admire her beauty from afar! How utterly unreachable!

Of course, all those descriptive phrases were collective conclusions drawn by the students of Toyonoshi Academy. They had nothing to do with Himekoji Akito and certainly didn’t represent his opinion.

Still… maybe bragging to friends that he’d shared a roof with Yukinoshita, breathed the same air as her, would earn him some envy? Probably.

Of course, he’d need a friend to brag to first…

Confirming that Ms. Hiratsuka Shizuka had indeed left and wasn’t sneakily watching from some dark corner, Himekoji Akito’s eyes darted around. Without hesitation, he chose the best course of action: escaping!

Hachiman froze for a second, then quickly made her own decision. She swiftly grabbed her school bag.

“Where are you going?”

Yukinoshita’s cool, detached voice sounded then. She continued flipping her book without even looking up.

That beautiful girl possessed some kind of magic that could suddenly drop the surrounding temperature.

“Ah, well… Himekoji ran off.”

“And?”

“Eh? And then…?”

There was no doubt about it — someone of Yukinoshita’s caliber was just as difficult for Hikigaya to deal with.

No, it might be more accurate to say Hikigaya was inherently bad at getting along with people in general. To be more precise, perhaps she should include animals in that too.

“Isn’t his leaving ideal? Sharing air with a pervert shortens your lifespan.”

Truly what you’d expect from Yukinoshita. She spoke those words righteously, without a shadow of doubt, making you want to nod along in heartfelt agreement.

Hikigaya nodded her head almost imperceptibly.

Lucky for him, Himekoji Akito had already made his escape. Seeing this scene would have broken his heart otherwise. Yukinoshita was one thing, but why Hikigaya too…?

Why must loneliness pick on loneliness? Why must loneliness fight loneliness?

If Himekoji hadn’t fled, he would have been deeply disappointed in this comrade-in-arms.

“By the way,” Yukinoshita added casually, still not looking up, “club activities officially end at 5:30 PM.”

“Oh,” Hikigaya murmured softly in response. She pulled over an empty chair and sat down.

…

There were many reasons for Himekoji’s great escape. Like thinking club activities were a pointless waste of time and life. Or feeling immensely pressured being around a super-high-school-level beauty…

But the main reason was—

He sensed it… His Perverse Choice System was stirring again, itching to activate!

He wasn’t joking. This premonition was always unerringly accurate, to the point where it frightened him.

Screw complicated thoughts. At times like this, the best option was absolutely to hide in the men’s restroom.

Since the system triggered exclusively around females so far, the men’s restroom seemed perfectly safe.

Himekoji Akito was practiced and skilled by now.

…

“That was fcking close!”

Having navigated countless dangers and finally reached the safe green zone, Himekoji Akito patted his chest and breathed a sigh of relief.

He’d had to make quite an effort on this trip to the bathroom — dodging around corners at the sound of footsteps, hiding instantly at the sight of any shadow.

“Hey there, no need to run. No one’s racing you. Also, the floor was just mopped, so it’s really slippery.”

His frantic, gasping entrance had been misunderstood. Himekoji politely thanked the strange girl for her concern.

Eh? Wait! Strange girl?

Himekoji Akito snapped back to reality a second later. Stunned, he stared wide-eyed. Standing before him was indisputably a girl — her uniform and chest firmly announced her gender.

She wore stylish black-framed glasses. Like a more formidable version of a Yamato Nadeshiko, she sported a beautiful, antique-looking three-strand braid.

Holy shit, did I enter the wrong door? Is this the women’s restroom?

He couldn’t help doubting himself. But if that were true, he couldn’t explain the clearly visible urinal right beside them.

Regardless, there was no time to hesitate! He had to hurry before the Perverse Choice reared its head…

[Please Choose!]

So fast?!

Himekoji’s face stiffened mid-preparation to bolt. He agonized for a moment, but in the end, could only sigh in resignation. He reluctantly abandoned his poised-running posture.

Alright, alright. Show me what fresh hell waits this time…

[A: Please say this with a smile: “Sorry, my hand is allergic to tiny ones, so could you help holding it for me later when I pee?”]

[B: Please say this with a smile: “Sorry, my hand is allergic to big ones, so could you help holding it for me later when I pee?”]

[Reward upon completion: 10 2D Points]

With a smile? How exactly am I supposed to smile while spewing something so obscene?!

Also… what’s the actual difference between these two options?!

Hey! At least take your problem-setting seriously!

Himekoji quickly realized his mistake, though. Options A and B did have a crucial difference…

Dammit! One says ‘tiny one’ and the other ‘big one’! What kind of nonsense is this?!

Regardless, saying either one to the girl facing him would be utterly repulsive and perverted!

Sigh… I guess this is just who I am… a pervert… orz

Resisting was pointless, wasn’t it?

Himekoji Akito forced a smile, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Sorry… my hand’s allergic to tiny ones, so… could you help holding it for me later? When I pee?”

He spoke in a voice utterly devoid of life’s spark, his gaze fixed on the bathroom’s white, worn-out ceiling.

Compared to a big one, a tiny one could at least be excused with innocence and childishness. So faced with a bad choice and a worse choice, Himekoji Akito stuck to his principle: pick the lesser of the two evils.

“Say that again.”

Uh-oh, the calm before the storm?

In Himekoji’s long career as a pervert, ‘Say that again’ ranked easily among the top three standard responses he got.

For the record, the absolute most common ones were ‘Pervert!’ and then ‘Are you sick in the head?!’…

“Please, say it again! It’s like a man’s balls — requests are far more powerful in pairs. Allow me to add: using that other mouth down there to make the request would make it downright irresistible.”

“…Huh?”

What weird nonsense was this girl spouting? That other mouth down there? What mouth down there?!

Himekoji froze on the spot.

Wait a second! Hang on! Could it be…?!!

A long moment passed before a startling realization slammed into him.

Shock and a hesitant, uncontainable surge of joy exploded within, coupled with sheer disbelief.

Director… have you… finally decided to change the script?!